I'm yet holding on!!

Great things, great year, great expectations!!!  Time is flying by, but I am still in a place of calmness in my life right now.  No, everything is not going as I would like them too, but it is all going according to plan. God's plan.  I am slowly coming to the realization and understanding that worrying about a situation is not going to change the outcome, just my level of stress and health.  Now, I'm not saying that I have completely come to a place where I have learned to let go and let God, but I'm starting to, and that's a plus in itself.

Many times, we seek to achieve things in our life and get frustrated and discouraged when the process takes to long or the goal is unattainable.  But at some point we have to accept the fact that maybe our life isn't supposed to go in that direction.  That's not always a bad thing.  Take comfort in knowing that there is a reason things didn't work out that way.  You may not see it at first, but one day, you will understand why it was so hard to try and do that.  Learn to be content with where you are right now.  Yes, in your too small home with the rent 2 months past due.  Yes, with your under-employed yet working like a slave self.  Yes, even in midst of trying to figure out what you and your two children are going to eat for dinner the next few nights.  Because regardless of how bad your situation is, someone, somewhere has it a whole lot worse than you.  That is a sad thought to think when you consider your own circumstances, isn't it. Thank God for the struggles you have, cause to be frankly honest, you don't want theirs.

Be Blessed!! :o)

But he's my BEST FRIEND!!!!

Man!! This year has already full of the most unexpected things!!! Wow!! I can't wait to see what's next.  But I think the most surprising, yet wonderful thing was the birth of a blossoming love.  I didn't plan it, nor was I even looking for it.  And I must admit, that it is down-right scary!!!  Why?  Because he is my best friend!!!  We have been skin tight for over three years now and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him and him for me.  Neither of us set out to date each other, much less fall in love.  But it has happened.  And it is wonderful! We don't know how this will all play out r even if it is safe for us to relax and enjoy it, but we can't deny our feelings and because we have been friend for so long, we are sure to not mess it up.  I know this is pretty mussy and not really like me at all, but when they say you'll find true love in the place you never expected, "they" were right.  He is and extension of me, of who I am, and a reflection of who I desire to become.  Because we have been friends for so long, I already cared deeply about him and only want what's best for him, but to think that the best is me-WOW!! He finished my sentences, my thoughts, my expressions.  There is nothing I can't talk to him about and he gets me when everyone else is trying to figure out what planet I came from. LOL.  There is no one more suited for me than him. And he is the perfect gentleman that I have been waiting for.  I dare say that he is my knight is shining armor. And he feels that same way about me.  Thank you Lord for this gift.  So far the most precious one this year.  I truly believe that this rib has finally found the rib cage I belong in. ;-)  Be blessed!!

Expect the Great!!

Last year was a very difficult year for me.  I battle with emotions and feelings that I have never felt before.  For the first time in my life I even contemplated suicide.  My outlook on life had become so grim that I could no longer see a reason to continue.  I wanted to give up and just leave everything and everyone that counted on me.  My children, my family, my friends, my life.  I can honestly say that although I doubted Him so much over the past year, God kept me.  Without Him, I would not be here today.  Life is such a topsy turvy mystery.  And you will never truly know what's will happen from one day tot he next, but if you hold on and stay stronger, you can make it.

This next year, I am expecting great things to happen.  I am expecting to overcome some struggles that I have been dealing with most of my life.   I am expecting to prosper in areas that I long stopped believing that I could prosper in.  I am expecting to grow exponentially further that I ever have.  I am expecting that every encounter and relationship I have will further propel me forward into the great that is planned for me.  I am expecting fear to no longer be the force that drives my every decision.  But most importantly, I am expecting God to continue to prove Himself to me and be my source.


I stopped making New Year's resolution a long time ago because I realize that I can't resolve to do anything that I can't expect to happen.  Why resolve to lose weight, when I don't expect to gain any?  Why resolve to live a healthy lifestyle, when I don't expect to get sick?  Why resolve to love more, when I don't expect to hate anyone?  In other words, I need to expect great things before I can resolve to accept them.  In this New Year, I will expect confidence, I will expect prosperity, and I will expect to be a blessing and be blessed.


What are you expecting this year?  Be Blessed!!

Let it Go!!!!

Anger, bitterness, and pain are horrible things to feel. They grab hold to all of the good inside you and poison it and robs you of all joy in life.  Many times the root of those emotions are displaced.  You want to find something or someone to blame for how you're feeling, so you lash out at everyone you come in contact with.  These emotions cause you to hurt the ones you love and keep you from creating and nurturing any lasting relationships.

You have to learn to let it go.  You can't change the situation and being mad at the world isn't going to make it any better.  Understand that holding on to these emotions isn't hurting anyone but you.  It is robbing you of not only your joy, but also making the people you love and care about not want to be around you. Forgive yourself first.  It's not your fault, and there is nothing that you could have done to make the situation any better.  I had to learn this the hard way.  An unfortunately it took me a long time to get this lesson right.  Thank God I have.

Then forgive the other party.  They don't care that you are still holding to what happened.  They have moved on (either literally or figuratively), and haven't thought about it again.  They are not losing any of the sleepless nights that you are thinking about what happened.  Most likely, they have made their peace a long time ago, while you are still harboring ill feelings towards them.  Yes, it's going to be hard, but so worth it.  Once you release them, you release the hold that the situation has had on your life.  You can then move forward without any extra baggage.

And lastly, pray. Ask God to help you. Because even though you say that you have forgiven and let the issue go, those feelings just don't go away over night.  Sometimes you will think about it again, and on those days, ask God to help you move past the hurt and the pain.  It may not seem like it now, but if you learn to Let go and let God, you will live a more fulfill and prosperous life.  Love ya'll.  Be Blessed!!

Stand out!!

There are times in this life when there are things that we believe or that we want to do that may be different from what all of our friends are doing, or what the "norm" is.  What what does that matter?  I mean, who really decides what is normal and what is not?  And do we really want to follow what someone else thinks is "normal."  To bow down and agree with what someone else says or thinks is to be untrue to myself.  To go against what is inside me that is not in a agreement.  At some point I have to realize and understand that if I am trying so hard to be accepted by another person, or noticed by someone, or recognized by others, then they can't see the true value in me.  They aren't appreciative of my worth, and nor do they realize the greatness that I am.  I don't need to be where they are.  The bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so why would I want to change anything of myself to be like another?  Why would I want to act like another person, or talk like them, or follow them.  There is a reason we are all different.  We are supposed to be.  My ideas and viewpoints are different from yours because I was put here for one thing and you were put here for another.  We aren't supposed to always see eye to eye because my eyes are supposed to see the places that your eyes missed.  Not for me to put you down or talk about you, but to help you make your vision more clear and for you to do the same for me.  I am supposed to stand out in a crowd, because no one else in this world is like me!! I am an original masterpiece, beautiful in my own rite!!!  You don't have to accept me-I ACCEPT MYSELF!!!  Love you! Be Blessed!!!

Happy Birthday

Today is a very special day.  This is the day that the first man I loved was born.  On this day, God blessed this world with a man like no other.  He was warm, loving, strong, honest, humble, playful, beautiful.  A smile from him was enough to melt my heart.  He was unashamed to be in love and to be loved. On this day, I want to celebrate the most wonderful man to me.  On this day, 31 years ago, my husband was born. Although, our time together was short, he forever changed my life.  May he always Rest In Peace.

The first steps

Hello everyone!! Well, this is it. This is my blog. It took me a while to finally decide to create one because I was (am) a little nervous about airing my life for the world to see. But at the same time, it is also very relaxing to know that I won't know 95% of the people that may view it. The fear of rejection and judgment made me hesitate, but the desire to express myself in a way that I have not be able to before pushed me to do it. I already feel pretty good about doing it.

This blog is about me and my journey to get free of all the inhibitions that have held me back. There are so many things that can cause you to not allow yourself to do what you want to do, and many times, those hindrances are justifiable; common sense, moral responsibility, character and personality. But there are times when society, family life, and self-esteem are the real reasons you hold back. We all have times when we fear what some else may think or say, so we either do or don't do something.

And then there are times when we fell left out and alone, not because there's no one there, but because sometimes we feel like nobody understands or can relate to what we are thinking an how we feel. Each of us has a totally different side to our personality that most people never get to meet. And sadly for some of us, our own families have never met the real us. For me, the person I am is many times pushed aside to be who I need to be for someone else, whether it be my children, my mom, my brother, my boss, or even my friend. And because I am pulled so many ways by so many different people, there is rarely anytime for me. So this is about me. For me. And I hope you enjoy it!! :o)